The New York Post is either on to something, or they’re incredibly determined to break up the biggest marriage in music. In the wake of Solange’s viral elevator smackdown on Jay Z, the tabloid media—and the Post, in particular—has lost whatever marbles they had left trying to piece together why it happened.

Exactly one week ago, the Post ran a piece headlined “Could This Be the End of Beyoncé and Jay Z?” that quoted a (dubious) source as saying, “They are trying to figure out a way to split without divorcing… This is a huge concert tour and they’ve already gotten most of the money from the promoters up front.” That tour, of course, is the On the Run tour featuring Beyoncé and Jay Z, which is on track to rake in up to $100 million.

On Saturday night, the Post doubled-down on their claims with a longer hit piece titled, “Inside the Crumbling Marriage of Jay Z and Beyoncé.”

“This is the first peek behind the firewall that is Beyonce and Jay Z Inc.—what drew them together, why they’re headed for a split and why love was never the thing that held them together,” says the (speculative) piece.

Below are the wildest claims from the New York Post’s latest tour de force.

Queen B Took Convincing

According to the New York Post, Jay Z was in hot pursuit of Beyoncé, but she wasn’t that into him. “She told me she wasn’t too fond of him… I guess she wasn’t attracted to him,” the piece quotes her uncle as saying. The piece also alludes to Beyoncé possibly being “a virgin” when they met, and that she was “most interested in Jay’s mind,” writing, “Jay’s a kingmaker; she recognized that. This was a come-up for her, no question. She had to learn the ropes as presented by Jay—but really, this was mostly about business.”

The Open Relationship

This should be taken with a serious grain of salt, but the Post piece quotes a source as saying that Jay Z and Beyoncé had an open relationship: “As for dating others, he says, ‘they each had guilty pleasures.’”

Jay Z Is “Controlling”

This is no secret, but Beyoncé’s now-estranged father, Matthew Knowles, is described as a “drill sergeant” who “made the girls work hours a day, seven days a week.” But the piece also claims that Jay Z is controlling as well, writing, “Beyoncé had gone from one man to another, never truly being on her own,” and adding, “There’s no bigger controller than Jay Z.”

Click Here to